Physical abuse in marriage has become common place in our society. Marriages without physical, verbal and sexual abuse have become rare. I grew up surrounded by dysfunctional families and had this urge to fight physical abuse in marriages. As a kid, I would take a rod in my hand and say-“When I grow up I will nail this guy and that fellow who beat their wives”. When I got saved, the Rod disappeared and God showed up. Now I have to fight this devilish crime in the Name of God, in the Power of the Holy Spirit, with the Word of God. Many claim that the Bible is silent in this matter, but that’s not true. The Bible is crystal clear on this subject, so allow me to unlock it for you. Let the eyes of spouses who are being abused and the Church leaders who are dealing with this issue.
Church’s Stupid Solutions to Serious Problems:
The Highest spiritual advice the Church provides to a victim who is being physically abused in marriage is this-“You must not leave your spouse even if he beats you till you bleed and tries wrestling moves on you. If you leave, God’s reputation will be affected. Let’s take this to the Pastor…”. The Good-hearted Pastor will try his best to reconcile the couple but during the process the guy will punch his wife in her face, she will die, the Pastor will conduct the funeral and will proclaim the most famous lie-“GOD TOOK HER”. That’s stupid…A devil-loving Husband, a God-less Pastor, a group of Love-less Family members and Church members killed that lady not God. You may say-“God hates divorce…Jesus said you must not divorce”, yes you are right but that’s just half of the story. God hates divorce and Divorce is allowed only when sexual immorality is involved but what should be done when there is physical abuse???
I know a lady who ran away from her abusive husband but was sent back to him again by her family. He burned her and her child to death. I thought everyone who sent her must be stripped naked and made to sit in a hot stove. A man asked his daughter to stay calm and be submissive to her abusive husband and I fired these words on that man’s face-“You are also responsible for the sufferings of your daughter. God will question you”. If I have daughter and if someone abuses my daughter, he will get on his knees and start saying his prayers on seeing my eyes burning with fire. I will protect my daughter at any cost. Imagine this, God is our Father so if you are husband who beats his wife pause for moment and think-“you are touching God’s daughter”. Hey abuser, God is watching you beat his daughter.
The Bible is clear on this subject but the Church stays blind and allows the works of the devil in marriages. Families of the victim cover up the matter and stay silent to protect their reputation. In some cases, the victims cover up the matter to protect their reputation or family’s reputation or sometimes even their abusive husband’s reputation. Some say, we are protecting God’s reputation.
The Condition of the Church:
I know a Pastor who calls himself a “Prophet”. He abuses his wife physically and verbally, abuses old people, destroys lives in his pursuit for money but goes on preaching Sunday after Sunday about my Daddy-God. (How dare you???)…When He is questioned about his behaviour, he declares that-“He is a man sent from God to correct his wife by beating her”. Top Christian leaders who know about him and his abusive behaviour don’t have the guts to tell him to step down from his pulpit or repent from his abusive behaviour.
Another Woman who is a Leader in the Body of Christ is consistently tortured by her husband and the Leaders connected with her are very particular not to a raise even their little finger to help her out of her sufferings. God needs Men and Women who have the guts to stand for the truth and stand against crime. We have played nice and safe for too long and God is bored. God didn’t change sides; He is still against sin of every kind but it is the Church that is playing with sin. Hello, any bold Men and Women out there??? Anyone with guts???
Biblical advice for “physical abuse in marriage”:
The Church has no rights to command people to suffer in marriage. We have been called to suffer for Christ not to suffer in the hands of abusive spouses. When there is physical assault of any kind in a marriage, the victim has the right to walk away (not divorce) “temporarily” from the abusive partner for their safety. This act has a biblical foundation. When I asked a victim to walk away, a Pastor said-“It’s not in the Bible”. I slammed back-“Read your Bible properly, PASTOR”. Look for yourself-
To the married I give this command- not I, but the Lord: A wife must not separate from her husband. (That’s not the end of the story). But If she does (Does what??..Separate or walk away from her husband. She has an option or right to walk away.), She must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband (She can walk away from her husband but she must not divorce her husband and must stay unmarried. She can reconcile or get back to her husband later). 1 Corinthians 7:10,11– God hates divorce. A marriage covenant is automatically broken only by the death of a spouse and it can be broken only when sexual immorality is involved in the marriage. Legal divorce papers cannot break a marriage covenant. Divorce is prohibited but walking away temporarily is available for a victim of physical abuse in marriage. Victims don’t have to stay in and get hurt to protect God’s reputation. God’s reputation is no way affected by man’s actions. Victims have a Biblical right or option to stay away till the abusive partner repents.
Understand me right, Husbands and wives staying together is God’s will. Reconciliation is what God desires. But when devil’s nature is expressed through one partner, God demands repentance before reconciliation. The victim can stay away till the abuser repents. The victim may also have some issues in their life and they must also repent from them during this process.
Note: Repentance doesn’t mean feeling sorry or asking sorry. Repentance means changing your thinking, changing what you are doing, taking a U-turn. Repent means Change.
What to do with the abusive partner?:
The abusive spouse or partner must not be ignored or left like that. First, the abuser must be rebuked for his sinful behaviour by Church leaders. If the abuser refuses to repent after repeated correction-attempts made by the Church, then he must be thrown out of the Church fellowship and must be considered as an unbeliever. He must also be handed over to satan to be destroyed in the body so that his spirit will be saved from hell. Sounds like Hitler?? Naaahhh…This is New Testament, Grace and Faith-based, New covenant, Biblical, Spirit –led Christianity. Look for yourself-
Hand this man over to satan so that his body maybe destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord. 1 Corinthians 5:5– That is New testament Apostle Paul speaking and not Old Testament Prophet Elijah. Paul is commanding the Corinthian Church to hand over a “Unrepentant guy” who was sleeping around with his Father’s wife (incest) to satan so that his spirit maybe saved from hell. That is a low-blow to “Once saved, always saved” teaching.
“If your brother or sister sins go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses’. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17– This is Jesus speaking. This is Grace speaking not Moses, the Law-giver. Jesus died to set you free from your sins not to allow you to play with your sins in the name of Grace. Will Jesus forgive if you sin?? Yes but He has also purchased your freedom. Living in sin or committing the same sin again and again without repenting is rebellion which must treated in the way Jesus has given us.
What to do when there is verbal abuse or sexual abuse in marriage??:
- Verbal abuse must be handled in person if possible. If the abusive partner refuses to repent, it must be brought to the Church leaders who must rebuke the abuser. If he stays unrepentant, then he must be handled in the “Out of Church, Hand over to satan” way.
- Sometimes, verbal abuse can also be more intense as physical abuse. In those cases, the victim can choose to walk away and stay away till the abuser stops his devilish behaviour.
- Sexual abuse must also be treated in the same way as physical abuse. The victim must bring the matter to the notice of trustful Church leaders and must stay away till the abuser breaks his relationship with the demon of lust.
Wait a Minute…I have to say this too:
In this age, even many women abuse their husbands physically, verbally and sexually. So this truth is applicable for abusive wives and affected husbands too. This truth is genderless.
Let’s stop playing nice and safe in the name of Grace. Grace doesn’t cover our sins, grace sets us free from sin. There are no excuses for sinful behaviour after the cross of Jesus through which we have received freedom from every sin. So physical abuses in Christian marriages must be handled in God’s way not in a way we thought was right. Victims must be allowed to stay away from their abusive partners and the abusers must be handled in the “Out of Church, Hand over to satan” way if they refuse to repent. If the church stays silent in this area now, the next generation will be affected by the devilish behaviour of their parents.