Really, I don’t have to punish my children. I don’t have to scream at them, I don’t have to slap them, I don’t have to hit them, I don’t have to lock them from doing what they love and the list goes on. Shocked? Surprised? From Parents to Teachers and even Pastors believe that punishing children is mandatory. What if they are all wrong? What does the Bible say? What has been brought to light through researches in the realm of pediatrics and psychiatry?…Hop in for a roller coaster ride…
Hanging the Foundation Book for Parenting to death:
You can punish your children verbally and physically in the “so-called biblical way”, in the name of “pleasing God” but I want you to sit and think whether your view is right with the hot-items I’m going to bring to the table.
The Book of Proverbs is considered to be the Foundation book for Parenting, even though not openly declared it is believed to be, under the table. I don’t have any problem with this book because I personally love this book. I’m going to shoot down your sacred beliefs in love, hold on tight:-
Bullet Number 1:- The Book of Proverbs is not a Book of God’s commands, it is a Book of Wise instructions with a Poetic edge.
So What? will be the response of many but wait because it is going to get hotter and hotter.
Bullet Number 2:- The Book of Proverbs comes under the Law. Many will disagree saying, it is a book of wisdom and it is not part of the old covenant law. That’s a stupid disagreeing statement. Solomon was a man under the Law and this book was written when the Old covenant Law was in force. He didn’t have any clue about Jesus and the New covenant because He never declared that faith in Christ as the game changer of life. Solomon was a wise man, who received wisdom and favor from God, that doesn’t mean He had everything in place. I’m not saying Solomon is wrong, I’m saying He saw in part and everything gets clear only after Jesus shows. The Old covenant gets fulfilled with Jesus and the New covenant comes into force only after Jesus accomplishes His redemptive mission. Everything before that is, you like it or not, part of the Old covenant. I’m not in anyway supporting the view of ignoring the Books of the Old testament, I’m saying we must take what applies to us through the lens of the New covenant. Stone your disobedient child to death is what the Old covenant says- (Deuteronomy 21:18-21) Do that and you will hear a knock on your door followed by a knock on your face. Next day, you will be on every news channels and every newspaper out there for brutally murdering your child.
Bullets Number 3:- If spanking and punishment works, then why did God plan the cross to rescue mankind from punishment, which is the way man can be changed. When God’s redemption and logic meet together with the parenting methods followed by many Christians, the end result will be that many Christians are stupid. If Punishment is the only way to change, why didn’t God use it. Why Jesus, cross, forgiveness and faith?. A man cannot be changed by laws and rules and punishment but will be changed only by believing in Jesus. How on earth do you expect children to change with rules and punishments? The Love of God and Faith in God is the Game changer of life and it applies to children.
Bullets Number 4 :- “Following One command and not following another command makes you a lawbreaker” is a biblical principle. “I have not murdered anyone, I have just committed adultery” doesn’t make someone holy. Another principle would be that you must not take the few verses you like and throw the verses you don’t like, you don’t get to pick and choose. With this principle in mind, let’s jump into the Book of Proverbs:-
He who spares his rod hates his son,But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Proverbs 13:24(NKJV)– This is the Core verse for the Biblical view of Spanking children. According to the two principles I mentioned, if you are following this command or taking this verse, you must also take the other commands or verses mentioned in the same book. Agreed?…Look down…
Blows and Wounds cleanse away evil and Beatings purge the inmost being . Proverbs 20:30(NIV)– This verse is not talking about Parenting or children. It is a general verse which applies to everyone. So according to this verse, Blows and Beatings from a Rod or a Whip which will cause Wounds must be used against EVERYONE who is doing something evil. If innocent children, who are not mature in their ability to know right and wrong, whose reasoning ability is not yet mature, can be spanked and punished for the wrong things they do, then how much more must the adults who do evil be spanked and punished. Hello?..Someone commits adultery in the Church, slap. Someone is running after money, take a iron rod. Someone lies, a baseball bat would do. Someone gossips, crucifixion is the only way. Huh??
A whip for the Horse, a halter for the donkey and a ROD for the back of fools. Proverbs 26:3(NIV)– Do people who spank their children with Proverbs as their foundation know that these verses are also in the Same book, in the Same Bible?..ROD is the key word here, this is the word that holds the belief that spanking is a part of parenting children according to the Bible. Enough said…Fools or People who do foolish things must be beaten with a Rod. I would prefer a Iron Rod. Again, this is a general verse and applies to everyone who does foolish things. Have you made some foolish decisions lately? Buy an iron rod, give it to your Pastor and ask him to beat you till you say “from you heart” that you won’t do it again. Some will say-“The word Rod is symbolic”, then I will roar back saying-“How come it is Symbolic when it applies to you and Literal when it applies to children. Jesus says if you sin, cut your hands and legs off and people go- Oh Bro, that’s symbolic….Stop your stupid argument right there or else I will make the word ROD literal now”. Ha ha 😛
I have just spent my time shooting down the false beliefs that have been rooted in the Church. If you had noted carefully, I didn’t try to interpret the Parenting verses in another way, I just shot down everything directly. If you are not yet convinced that your belief on parenting is flawed, you are in pride. What if the Rod mentioned in the parenting verses is symbolic of the Shepherd’s Rod? Shepherd uses His rod to chase away enemies and gently guide the sheep when they get out of track. he doesn’t use it to beat the sheep when they get out of the track. What if Rod just means Discipline?? Don’t jump seeing the word Discipline because both the world and the Church have a flawed definition of the word discipline. Whatever, I don’t have to go into these things, those bullets are enough. If you want to follow the Parenting methods in Proverbs, you must also be ready to receive beatings for doing evil and foolish things. If children must be punished, then How much more must adults be punished according to the Bible?? And the People said-“AMEN”….
Before we go further, think about this…Jesus changed the “Eye for an Eye” system of justice(which is closely linked to the Rod) and replaced it with Love and forgiveness. It was God who gave the Law but He changed it, why??…
Getting the Word “Discipline” right:-
The Word “Disciple” comes from the word “Discipline”. Their meanings are connected and woven together. Understanding the meaning of Disciple will straighten up your flawed definition of discipline. Jesus had disciples when He was on earth. Did Jesus carry a Baseball bat to beat them up every time they got out of track? Did Jesus carry a Double-barrel shot gun to blow their heads off the moment they messed up? He taught them and corrected them, rebuked them when they went wrong. He didn’t punish them.
Jesus didn’t say-“Oh Peter, you are a good for nothing scumbag…I’m gonna ask my Father to rip your brains out for denying me three times. I’m gonna ask Angel Michael to beat you in your butt till it turns red”. C’mon…When Jesus gave the Great commission, He didn’t say-“Go and disciple nations..If they listen to you , then it’s fine. If they don’t, then scream at them. If they don’t listen even then, start pinching them. If it doesn’t work, then start spanking them. If it doesn’t work, then make the pain worse…They will listen, if you increase the pain(Note this point, this is the secret behind parenting- PAIN)”. Jesus didn’t ask us to do that but Parents do this in the name of disciplining their children which is nothing but demonic. Jesus said-“Disciple nations…Teach them to obey what I have commanded”.
So, a Disciple means someone who receives teaching and training, and receives rebukes and corrections when He goes wrong. Which brings the word discipline to light, it is “teaching and training, rebuking and correcting”. I need to get the words “rebuke” and correct” right because many use it in the wrong way. Rebuke means telling someone to stop doing what they are doing and stating that what they are doing is wrong. Correct means telling someone that the way they are going is wrong and showing them the right way. Rebuking and Correcting can be done in Love, punishment is a different element.
Jewish beliefs and the History of Spanking:-
Even the Jews who received the Law have better parenting ways than many Christians. Many Jews who follow the laws and customs of their faith without turning to the right or the left, don’t practice spanking in their homes. Softer methods of disciplining children are mentioned in the other Jewish books. Above all, Israel is one of the country that has abolished corporal punishment both in the home and in the school. Any form of physical punishment in the name of discipline can give you an “no-option pass” to jail, in the Jewish nation. What about “Spare the Rod, Spoil the child”?….
Note:- The countries that have banned corporal punishment are:- Austria, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, Latvia, Norway, Germany, Italy, Israel, Sweden, Iceland, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Hungary, Belgium and Romania.
Studying the history of spanking can take a crazy turn in this subject. Digging history will show that spankings were given to ADULTS. In Ancient Greece it was a common practice. If you are barren, you will be beaten by the priest to beat out the sin that has caused infertility. Based on the Proverbs verses I quoted and the History of spanking, ADULTS must be beaten with rods for doing evil and foolish things, if children must be beaten based on Proverbs and tradition.
Why Do Parents Punish their children?
Parents punish their children because of two wrong mindsets they have developed. It has nothing to do with Obeying the Lord or Following the Bible because Parents who are very obedient in beating the Children according to the Lord’s command don’t follow the other commands of our Lord which are more important- “Love your enemies and Do good to them, Deny yourself and Follow Me, Heal the Sick and Drive out Demons, Sell your Possessions and Give to the Poor”- the only ones who have the right to justify spanking and punishments under parenting are those who follow these commands of our Lord. Whatever…
The Two Mindsets are:- “My Parents punished me, I will punish my children” and “Spanking and Punishments are mandatory to raise up godly children”. Both are stemmed from false ideas dropped in from the environment around. If your parents installed punishing in parenting, then it means they were wrong. If punishing is right, then you must spank your old parents if they do something evil or foolish. If you think spanking is mandatory to raise up godly children, you are wrong. I can give you reports after reports of children who were spanked and turned out to be rebels and not spirituals. Even Specialists in the realm of Pediatrics and Psychiatry have declared that spanking and punishments cannot change bad behavior. With all these facts in my bag and I can declare bluntly-“Parents who spank or shout at their children are those who don’t know how to parent. They don’t take the time to train their children and raise them up wisely, so they implement harsh, pain inducing ways to keep their children under control”.
Every parent who punishes his child will declare proudly that they are doing it for the good of their children and they are punishing them because they love them. That is equal to telling me that the devil is cute and nice. These are nothing but lies coughed by parents to cover up their own character issues. You can’t beat someone in Love or shout at someone as an expression of kindness, only people who are sick in their heads would harm someone and play innocent. What is Love? Let God define love…
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NIV)
You don’t need a Bible teacher to interpret these verses to you, they are clear but as many minds are veiled to the truth let me explain bit. “Love is Patient and Kind”– If you are patient, you won’t beat or shout at your children just like that. You will sit them up and talk with them. Kindness on the other hand means the softest way to deal with someone- no amount or pain or discomfort must be created.“Love keeps no record of wrongs and Love always trusts”– If you love your children, you lose the right to keep an record of their wrongdoings and thereby you can’t beat them or scold them saying-“How many times will you do the same mistake again and again?” because there is no record. If you trust your children, you won’t get mad at them. Love always trusts, so when something goes wrong you will talk it out with your child as a friend because you trust your child that he will not repeat it again. God is not a liar, it is Love when it sticks to God’s definition of Love. Every step out of God’s definition of Love is not only lack of love but also sin. No one can beat or scold their children in Love because it is impossible. Says Who? Says God…
The Modern “Less pain Punishments” are not of God:-
Many Modern day leaders in the Church are teaching that softer punishments or softer spankings must be implemented. Hit them in the butt some say but the Bible support doesn’t it. Hit them in the back not in the butt is the right way, if you are going to go by that way of interpretation of Scriptures. Proverbs doesn’t say hit them softly, it says hit them with a rod, if you want to follow some verses follow them accurately. These kind of modern methods of parenting, which they say create less pain has nothing to do with God. It is purely man-made, created by people who are double-minded on this subject-“I don’t want to hurt my child but if I don’t hurt him, he will go in the wrong way..So what can I do, I will hurt him softly”. There is nothing called less pain or more pain, PAIN IS PAIN. For a child, it is very much true. You can’t hurt a little child softly, you either hurt him or you don’t hurt him.
“Children don’t know logic, they don’t know what is right and wrong…we have to teach them by punishing them when they do something wrong” they say. “Adults who know logic, who know what is right and wrong are busy doing wrong things…why don’t you thrash all with a baseball bat first” I say.
You say, “I don’t punish my child that often or that hard. Most of the time I express my love with kisses and get him stuffs. An “once in a while” hit or shout won’t affect my child.” This thinking may be true in a few cases but in most cases children remember your actions of punishment than your actions of love. You may even have a 90:1 Pat:Punish ratio but most children are going to look at the 10 per cent punishments you give them and take it to heart.
What happens to children when they are physically/verbally punished?
- Corporal punishment gives a wrong message to children that-“might makes things right”.
- They open the door to spirits of anger and rebellion and the likes. If you have, even a little note on how demons work, you won’t punish your children.
- Hitting children is way of teaching them to be hitters themselves. Everyone who hits someone in school or hits his wife in his later years was punished often by his parents.
- Children get offended and carry bitterness in their heart, which messes their entire life.
- Children are mentally and emotionally affected because God has placed in us, a heart that longs for Love, and not for a rod. Some become psychotic.
I need to provide evidence for all this because it’s everywhere. I don’t have to give you evidence that the Sun shines, everybody can see it. Same with the effects of bad parenting.
Enough of firing…Let me get started in teaching the truth…Parenting has nothing to do with Punishing, it has everything to do with training and teaching PATIENTLY(lack of patience in the heart of parents is the reason for punishment), correcting and rebuking IN KINDNESS. Love must be everything and you can’t punish someone in Love. Jesus didn’t punish us in Love, He took our punishment in Love. Every other definition of Love developed by parents, that includes punishment and causing pain is of the devil. Let’s look into the Bible and dig the verses on parenting found in the New testament. Read these slowly and carefully:-
Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4(NCV)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4(NLT)
And, fathers, do not drive your children mad, but nurture them in the discipline and teaching that come from the Lord.Ephesians 6:4(VOICE)
Fathers, do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying. Colossians 3:21(NCV)
Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21 (NLT)
Fathers, don’t scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying. Colossians 3:21 (TLB)
These verses are the pillars of right parenting. This is the Apostle speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit of the Lord is saying…God is laying down the Do’s and Don’ts of Parenting. These are commands from God which carry the same weight as “Do not kill” and “Do not commit adultery”. Let me get them clear:-
- Don’t make your children angry.
- Don’t make your children mad.
- Don’t nag your children.
- Don’t let them get discouraged.
- Train, Teach and Instruct your children in the Ways of the Lord.
Beating your child in his butt or back or whatever will make him angry, leave him hurt and discouraged. Shouting, Screaming, Pinching, Using a harsh tone will result in anger, discouragement and pain. No child in it’s right mind will smile and laugh when you punish him. Physical and Verbal punishment will nag children, no matter how much lies you throw to cover it. “Less-pain” parenting methods also affect the children. If you say beating or shouting or punishing doesn’t make my child angry or bitter or feel bad, then you are a liar. Get on your knees and get right with God before reading further!!!
Note:- If you will accept something as truth, only when you get it from the major bible versions then here you go…The NIV and KJV use these terms:- “Exasperate” means irritate, “provoke not your children to wrath”. “Embitter” means “cause someone to feel bitter or bad”, “provoke not your children to anger”.
An Atmosphere of Love is the Key:-
Developing an atmosphere of Love in your home is the key to raise up Godly children. For that, Parents must deal with their issues and start walking in the Love of God way before they plan for a child.
An Atmosphere of Love where the child is Encouraged, Celebrated, Respected, Valued and Trained in the ways of the Lord. Every kind of punishments out there releases fear, you accept it or not, that’s the truth. God says-“There is no fear in Love” so if you are raising your children in Love they must not have any fear. Many have the wrong mindset that fear of punishment will prevent someone from doing wrong but the truth is far from it. The Truth is Love will change a person that He will choose not to do wrong things, there is power in Love. When children are raised up in an atmosphere Love that lacks any kind of punishment, they will be honest with their parents. When punishment comes in the equation, children hide stuffs in fear of getting punished. God didn’t use the rod to change humanity, He used Love expressed through the cross to change us.
Exposure and the Environment children are raised is very important. If you have fights in your family often, then don’t expect your child to be godly. Children learn by watching. They learn to shout by watching someone shout. They learn to hit children in school by watching you hit them when they irritate you. They learn to turn their faces into horror mode by watching you turn into Horror movie ghost every time you get into a fight. They learn a lot by watching than by teaching. The Words you use, your actions and the reactions you give to everything that comes your way will affect your child for good or bad. You have to change, if you want your child to be godly. You have to stop everything that’s not Christ-like.
Note: If Companies make a training period mandatory for working with Computers, then How much more should we have Training periods for Marriage and Parenting. Something has to be done about this, a bill must be passed or a law must be initiated, wherein, if you want to get married you must go through a training period and if you want to have a child, you must go through a training period. People are torn and Children are crushed because someone didn’t take the time to deal with the issues in their life.
The principle behind behavioral change is:- “If a child feels right, he acts right”. Big punishment or small punishment, Spanking or Shouting, everything makes a child feel wrong on the inside. So saying we have to punish to change a child’s behavior is logically, clinically wrong and above all, it is stupid. Punishments can keep a child in limits because of fear but will never bring change. Behaviorial changes occur when someone’s thinking changes.
Your child is Precious. God dropped your child from eternity into time for a great purpose. You have the responsibility to raise your child to be a world-changer. Trust God not the Rod and your child will do Good. Don’t hurt your child. Be Patient, Be kind. Develop an atmosphere of Love. Eradicate Fear from your home…If you are still not convinced, you can continue with your parenting which includes punishing but don’t do it before me because I may have to thrash you with a baseball bat based on Proverbs, to help you out foolishness and evil behavior :P…Parenting is Fun, enjoy it…My wife is in her last month of pregnancy, we will be giving birth a World changer any moment. A Little Super Hero, A Little Warrior will be born and will be raised up in an atmosphere of Love to change this world…
For info on Raising your child to be a World changer, jump here:- http://holyspiritrevolution.com/raising-our-kids-for-god/