Arranged Marriage Vs Love Marriage..Bringing the debate to an end


(A TC,WH rated post. Not for the TC-Traditional Christians and WH-Weak Hearted.) Some of you will smoke hot air out of your ears after reading this!

The past generations would want me to stand for Arranged marriage and the emerging generation would want me to stand for Love marriage. “I’m against “both” because most of the marriages that happen in the Church have nothing to do with God. If you have the top Pastors and say prayers in your marriage ceremony it doesn’t mean that God is in it.”

A Stupid debate:

A stupid debate, a stupid fight is going on to prove which is the Biblical system of marriage.-Arranged or Love? The truth is the Bible doesn’t say anything about this. Some will bark at me-“Isaac had an arranged marriage”. I will bark back louder-“If you want to follow Isaac, you must follow these too-You must get married only when you turn 40. Your Father must send a servant to look for your wife. Now we don’t use wells, so the first woman who buys mineral water from a shop and gives your servant a drink is your wife.”  “Isaac” Christians must also understand that Jacob,Isaac’s son had a Love marriage. Using a instance in a Bible to build up a doctrine is “amazingly stupid”.

It is not clash for a Biblical truth; it is a clash between cultures. Indian culture- Parents choose and Western culture- You choose your partner. “It has nothing to do with the Bible”.

(I know a few “right” Christian marriages, but most marriages have nothing to do with God. Am talking about the “most”.)

Why I hate arranged marriages?:

In a Arranged marriage, the bride is selected based on caste, status and dowry(money, gold they can get out of it). If you are a person who sees-“Is he/she from our caste? , then you don’t Love Jesus. People fix the dowry based on the “skin colour”, education of the bride. That is both racism and “prostitution”. (Woman are price tagged based on their looks both in prostitution and marriage). God is not pleased with this because you are price tagging His Loving daughters. How dare you?(The Government has an act against dowry(Dowry Prohibition Act-1961) which states that giving or taking dowry is punishable with more than “5 yrs of imprisonment” or fine but the Church is silent in this issue.)

Real men take care of their wives, they don’t beg out money from their father in laws. Only cowards get dowry. Jesus didn’t go around preaching-“Marry women who are from your Caste. Don’t forget to rob your wife’s Father”. Caste system and dowry are against the teachings of Jesus.

Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. John 14:23(NIV)

Arranged marriage is a practice of the Indian culture and has nothing to do with Christian culture. Arranged marriages are practiced in India from the 4th century and historically it came into existence for uniting and maintaining the castes. Indian tradition or culture has nothing to do with God’s Word.

Let all your malpractices happen but just answer me-“Where is God in this?”. You select the bride/bridegroom through brokers/relatives/friends based on certain conditions and how can you say God did it?

Note:While Church Leaders and believers are busy with traditions, many people from other religion who have received Jesus are getting married in their own religion and end up in a life-long struggle. We don’t have many “real” men/women in the Church who are ready to marry those who have received Christ from other religions. Read my wife’s post on this topic-

Why I hate Love Marriage?:

The world has got it all wrong-it calls love as lust. Some Christians have also got it all wrong. Lust is lust and it is not love.

“Brother, that girl is so cute? She is the one for me.” Being cute or handsome doesn’t make someone the right partner for you because there are a lot of cute looking girls and handsome boys out there. It is not wrong to marry someone who looks good, but if everything is based on the looks it will not last. Outward beauty will not last, so does attraction based on the outward beauty.

Let them be cute and handsome but where is God in this?

People say- “I prayed and I think it is God’s will.”

“If you think it is God’s will it is not God’s will. You must not think, you must “know” God’s will. You prayed with your own answer and didn’t pray through to get God’s answers.”

What then? :

The Bible doesn’t give us a specific system to follow and the systems followed are also corrupt. What then? Wait a minute….Even though the Bible doesn’t throw out rules in certain aspects of life, it talks about an eternal command-a command to do God’s will. God-willed marriage is the right kind of marriage to follow; it can be either Arranged or Love marriage (in the right way).

For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother.Mark 3:35(NKJV)

The God who made you has a specific plan for your life and He also has a specific plan for your marriage. He knows you better than your parents and friends. He knows you better than you know your own self and He is the only one eligible to select your life partner. He only knows what your life is going to be and what kind of partner you need-that makes Him the right person to consult.

Don’t choose God’s permissive will to satisfy your parents or society or culture or traditions. “He “can’t” bless you “much” if you are not in His perfect will.” Traditional and cultural trashes are worth throwing off to be in God’s will. (I prefer making God happy and receiving the hatred of people. How about you?)

Don’t put God in a box; He can lead you in any way He wants. Both the systems are corrupt, but they can be made right if the malpractices are removed and God has the throne. If you choose to follow traditions, you must go against God because traditions contradict God’s Word.

A Pastor asked-“Are you going to break all the traditions in the Church?”. I answered boldly-“Yes I am”. I am a tradition-breaker like Jesus. Traditions hinder God’s Work.

Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?. Matthew 15:3(NIV)

“I prayed” or “God knows” cases:

So and so said to me-“This marriage is God’s will. We prayed”. I said-“No it is not”. They didn’t listen to me and went on with the preparation. Later, I came to know that the two families had a fight, stopped the marriage and lost their peace. You must not pray with your own answers, you must pray through till you get God’s answer.

Some say-“God knows. He will take care”. The same God knows that thousands are going to hell everyday and doesn’t do anything about it. People are going to hell because we have not preached the Gospel or they have rejected the Gospel so you can’t blame God. You have a part to do. God is not going to push His will into your life, you have to find it and go according to it.

Am finishing- Come out of traditions and seek God’s will in your marriage. Marry the person God wants you to marry. If you are angry on hearing the truth you can still follow your traditions, act against God and lose God’s blessing but don’t say it is Biblical.

(Why should I marry the person God wants me to marry? Does God have a specific person for me? How to know God’ will in marriage?-I will answer all these questions in my next post).


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